Personal Stories

Daniel, Age 15, Transman

I came out the year I moved out of my home town, and everything seemed to fall apart and go downhill from there. Any friends I had made in the few weeks before gathering my guts up, and spewing my gender identity on them, left me, I started the school year without anyone by my side. It didn’t help that I already had problems at home, my mother was going through a bad divorce and everyone knew I was to blame. This would be the second marriage I’ve ruined. At first kids just ignored me, or avoided me, I was best left alone. Then, one day, something changed. Apparently it was too much to ask for a bit of tolerance. Everywhere I went I was called names. From Dyke to Shemale, Faggot to Ladyboy, I got everything. On a few memorable occasions, I remember walking into washrooms and having a group of girls threaten me with a beating, and another time a couple of boys thought it’d be funny to talk about rape therapy for homosexuals while in full knowledge that I was standing right by them. Some kids hated me for no reason, and teachers thought I was mentally incompetent because of my depression. I was pretty depressed by this point, I didn’t have anything in life I enjoyed. I hated home, hated school, somewhere around this time I started to fail my grade, which led to me running away. I was coached back though, and promised my mother that I’d make it through the school year if we could move back to Canada. So for the rest of the year I grew thick skin, started being a jerk, and got obsessed with SI. When people made fun of me, I attacked them with words just as bad, I stopped wanting friends, relationships in general. When people pushed me, I’d punch them. I hated everyone. Then came graduation, and I wore a suit. I needed them to see I hadn’t given up. This was me, and they hadn’t changed that. I didn’t mind people staring, it just stung when parents laughed. Parents. I felt like a joke, but I didn’t care anymore. I just wanted to live my life. Who cares what others think. Then I moved back to Canada, and all I can say is THANK GOD!

So far this year has gone okay. I have a few haters, most of whom are quite scary, but they pick on a few people in my school, so at least I’m not the only one being pushed around. Others have it way worse. The fact I have very few friends is my fault this time. I haven’t been able to get out of that defensive state of mind, I’m still paranoid as hell. I’ve had quite a few people approach me, wanting to get to know me better, but all I can think of is “What are they really trying to do?” I’m scared of having a repeat of last year. But progress has been made. I’ve realized that no matter where I go, people WILL hate me for challenging what they think is “right”, what is “normal”, I’ve just got to get used to it. You just have to live your life, no matter what others think. Not really inspiring, just a story of a bad year, and my resolution to grow up and stop believing in the fairy tale world where everyone is equal, tolerance is mandatory, and that people other than yourself actually give a damn about what happens to you.