This time of year can be bright and joyful, it can feel really tough, or a mix of everything all at once! Here are some tips to help you through. 

Have your support squad on standby. Let some trusted friends know what’s going on and ask if you can reach out if things get to be too much (even when those at your holiday gathering have the best intentions). Having someone who really gets you can really make a big difference.  

Remember, you’re doing great. Going back home doesn’t have to mean going back in time. Even if your family is supportive, old spaces can bring up old feelings. Be gentle with yourself. 

It’s okay not to go. If you’re worried about putting yourself in a place where you’ll be misgendered and subject to homophobia and transphobia, maybe think about staying put – if you’re old enough and it’s safe. Spending the holidays with friends, chosen family, or even by yourself if valid. 

Connect with other queer folks. Connect with friends or online communities who understand your experiences. Maybe even set up a time to have an online gathering of your chosen family and friends.  

Watch something delightfully cheesy. Snuggle up with a queer holiday movie like A Keller Christmas Vacation or Christmas on Cherry Lane. We deserve so-bad-they’re-good cheesy movies, too – and these are a great place to start!  

Set boundaries. You do not have to shrink yourself to make others comfortable. Try statements like: “I’m not comfortable talking about this right now.” “I’d like to change the topic, please.” “I’m going to leave the room if my pronouns are not respected.” 

Keep a few affirmations handy. Save a few reminders in your phone or notes in your pocket. Take a look at them if things get overwhelming. Some examples might be: I can choose what’s right for me. I am enough as I am. I am worthy of love and joy.   

Have a back-up plan. If you think things might get tough, talk with a friend or family member about having a “just in case” plan in place. Even if you don’t need it, just knowing you have a plan can help. 

Take breaks. Supportive family or not – it can still be tiring. Go for a walk. Read a book. Listen to music. Snuggle a pet. Take a nap. Take care of yourself in whatever way you need to.  

Write it out. A journal can be a safe place to unload your thoughts – messy, petty or however you’re feeling. Getting it out of your head can help. 

Keep expectations realistic. If past holidays have been hard and nothing has changed, it’s okay to lower expectations. Focus on protecting your energy. Remember, even if the present moment is hard, there is always hope for a better future.  

Know your hotlines and resources. There are places out there for you to reach out to if stuff gets tough.   

lgbtyouthline.ca online chat or text 647.694.4275. Sun-Fri 4:00pm-9:30pm. 

TransLifeline.org – Canada 877.330.6366. Mon-Fri 1:00pm-9:00pm (closed Dec 25)   

KidsHelpPhone.ca online chat; text 686868; or call 1.800.668.6868  

Bonus tip for allies! This is your moment to show up. Speak up when someone makes a hurtful “joke.” Challenge misinformation with calm questions. Check in with your queer or questioning family member and offer a break – a walk, listen to some music, or have quiet time together. Being an ally is active. 

Whatever your plans, wherever you are – we hope this season brings you joy and rest.